Seventeen years ago, I was sitting in a sterile, public school administrator’s office being interviewed for a teaching position. When asked about my best qualities as a teacher, the first thing out of my mouth was my ability to form positive relationships with my students. I explained how I listened to students’ problems, took them to perform community service work on my own time, and went to important events in their lives outside of school. I professed that because I worked to develop relationships with my students, they would behave better in class, work harder, and gain self-confidence. Almost immediately I realized that the principal interviewing me didn’t hold the same beliefs. She quickly directed the conversation back to curriculum and testing, and I left the office knowing that I didn’t get the job -- and feeling somewhat grateful that I wouldn’t be working for this person.
I am fortunate to find myself working in a school that puts a premium on relationships, and we have structured our middle school to reflect this belief. We offer students and faculty opportunities to connect with each other throughout the daily schedule and the calendar year.
- Group work -- I can honestly say that not a day that goes by that a student does not have the opportunity to work with another student or group of students. Learning to work together is our culture.
- Advisory -- our advisories are single gender and multigrade. Advisories are small, six to eight students, and led by a faculty member of the same gender. We meet first thing each morning for fifteen minutes and have casual chats, foster important discussions, or play games.
- Breaks -- our students have two breaks during the day, one during the morning and one after lunch. Students can choose to play or talk together. Students are discouraged from doing academic work at this time.
- Advisory intramurals -- each day during morning break, two advisories compete against each other in fun games like handball, beach volleyball, and pinball. It has become so popular that half of the school comes down to watch the games and cheer.
- Exploratory -- twice in our six-day cycle, our students attend a class called "Exploratory." Faculty members choose a pursuit that they enjoy such as photography, board games, knitting, Pinterest, Lego robotics, theater games, and coding; and students sign up for the class. Exploratory classes change three times each year. Students (and faculty) of different grades and genders spend time together in pursuit of mutual interest.
- Dances and activities -- we hold three dances per year for our middle-school students. Nearly every student attends and they are highly anticipated. There are also three after-school social activities per school year like bowling or roller skating.
- Buddies -- all of our middle-school students are buddies with lower-school students. Buddies get together six to ten times per year to participate in fun activities centered on the younger of the buddy pair.
- Extracurricular activities -- In middle school all of our students are encouraged to participate in athletics or our musical theater production. Nearly all of our students take advantage of these opportunities to play, compete, and perform together outside of the regular school day.
- Overnights -- All of our students participate in two separate overnight trips during the school year where an emphasis is placed on developing teamwork among the students and faculty in the grade.
As a faculty, we also talk about ways to continually develop relationships with students. None of these require teachers to be charismatic "pied pipers;" they are simply good practice in establishing and growing relationships:
- ask questions and listen
- be genuine
- go to extracurricular activities and talk to students about them
- smile
- be patient and persistent in your attempts to connect
- be observant of students’ changes in mood and ask them about it
- share your own passions
- tell interesting stories from your past
Being a part of something, belonging to a community, is especially important during the middle-school years when adolescents and preteens start pushing away from family and trying to decide who they want to be. It is sometimes a confusing time in a child’s life and a time of struggle with self-confidence. We know that connecting with others helps middle-school students to find their own way and be happier, which is why we put so much effort into building our relationships with each other.
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